Just stop

This pain never seems to end, they say time heals all wounds but I am beginning to doubt that statement in it’s entirety. I hurt, my heart is broken, I can’t breath and I hate it…

What did I do, that’s the perpetual question that gets ignored. What’s wrong with me that everyone I give my heart to leaves…I was told one time I’m a lot to handle but the right one will want to handle me and help me calms my fears and be the soft shoulder I’ve needed so long to lean on…I don’t believe it.

The right one is a myth it’s a fantasy, at least in my world. I love hard and I get hurt twice as hard. Men come to you with so many lies and promises that when you believe them you’re left standing there like a fool…empty, broken, and alone…you gave your heart away and you were given mud in return. You can’t build on mud, everything sinks to the bottom…hope, desire, trust…all at the bottom of a puddle of mud.

I’m tired, I’m exhausted, I’m just beaten and bruised and I don’t know how much more I can take. I miss smiling and happiness and joy, oh god how I miss joy…I’ve had these things a few times in my life but they are always fleeting.

They say to love someone you need to love yourself first, well it would appear that I don’t, but SURPRISE, I do and I only want to share it with someone that deserves it…instead I’m greeted with woolen wolves and charismatic magicians, able to hide their true selves until I get to close…it hurts.

The pain ebbs and flows and courses through my vein trying to get me to change my heart and the way I love but I won’t let it, my heart is who I am and no matter the pain I won’t allow it to be filled with darkness, instead I’ll keep pushing on until I have no fight left in me and then and only then will I quit…so to all the boys and friends and just common acquaintances that have turned their back or brushed me away like a common pest one day I’ll be gone but I hope you remember how much I was there when things were good for you…

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